JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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