I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everyone says I win the strip club
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
