if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
