fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we should paint friendship bongs
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
