you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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