I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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