Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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