walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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