is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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