Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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