I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
