i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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