forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
