We won't sleep together?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
