So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
