so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
