Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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