I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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