I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
