I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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