I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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