OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
