dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
