It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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