no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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