Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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