Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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