i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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