There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
