Can Purell be used as lube?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
