I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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