hotel room ftw
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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