I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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