i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
