We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
