I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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