C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
