Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
