But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
