Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
smell my finger.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
