at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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