It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
