Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
