it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
