U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
