It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
