whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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