i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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