I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
