my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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