please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
