i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
