She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
