My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
