i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
