she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
