i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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