I wish life had little blips of pornography
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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