We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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