why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
