you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
