Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
