Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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