Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
