Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
