I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
