She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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