I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
