Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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