Define "chronic" masturbator.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
