five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
