so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i drank out of a bidet.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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