one two three fourrrrnication!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
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the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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