Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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