At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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