that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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