I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
